What to Expect When You Start Saying “No” More Often
It’s NO-vember! Yes, we’re giving the word NO a whole month of attention because it is surprisingly quite difficult for many of us to muster. At Pure Impressions, we’re learning to love the word No. We lift it up as a preserver of sanity and a protector of personal hopes and dreams.
I think one of the biggest barriers to telling people “No” is a long history of saying “Yes.” You’ve heard that we teach people how to treat us, right? Well if we’ve taught those around us that we can always be counted on to shoulder more burdens, they will… always count on us to shoulder more burdens.
Unfortunately, once you start saying No to things that don’t serve you, you will come up against resistance.
The cashier at Kohl’s trying to get you to sign up for their in-store credit card — “It’s a HELLUVA DEAL and WHY would you pass it up if you could get 10% off TODAY” 🙄 — he may roll his eyes and huff and puff at your audacity to say “No thank you” repeatedly. But can he really ruin your day? His huffiness is his problem, not yours.
Ok, that’s an easy one. I know the closer it gets to home, the more difficult it is.
The mother-in-law who insists you come to her house for Thanksgiving AND Christmas — She “hardly EVER gets to see you and holidays have always been so special and full of traditions for the family” — she may use guilt (manipulation) and become deeply upset. And that is difficult to combat for those of us that have huge empathetic hearts. However, it is important to stand firm in your “No” once you have made up your mind. There are creative, loving ways to offer her more time with you if you feel it’s necessary.
The dude who insists you go on a date with him after you’ve expressed you’re not interested — “Come on, you’ve gotta eat, right? What harm could it do to meet a new friend? Why can’t you just accept that someone wants to buy you dinner?” — he will play allllll the cards and get butthurt when you continue to decline. He might even get angry. But Babe, that’s his problem with rejection and it has nothing to do with you.
The alcoholic family member who calls every day expecting you to work through her latest crisis with her — Maybe this is the phone call that will save her life. Maybe this time you will find the right words to make it click for her — She, too, will use sob stories, or anger, or empty promises to keep you engaged. Remember that you can love her. Send her all the love in the universe, in fact. But it’s not your job to save her. It’s hers.
So, yeah, what to expect when you start saying “No” more often?
I get why we try to avoid all that — it’s no fun. But isn’t it less fun to live your life on other peoples’ terms?
There is plenty of AMAZINGNESS that results from saying “No”…
More time for what’s important
A sense of personal power that wasn’t there before
An exciting realization that you are on your own team
More meaning and purpose
More honesty from people around you
More quality humans in your life
The top one alone outweighs all the sucky stuff. I mean, time is irreplaceable once it’s gone. And add in all the other gifts of saying no - wow.
Pure Impressions Motivational Jewelry we LOVE for remembering the power of NO:
“No.” cuff (self explanatory 😆)
Throat Chakra necklace (The throat chakra is where our words get stuck. When it’s clear, we can easily say what we mean. Like, “NO” for example.)
Be Brave. Keep Going. necklace (It takes a ton of bravery to set your boundaries and stick to them.)
So, Love, be brave and keep going. How other people react to your No is none of your business. When you said “No,” did you make the best decision for you? Then fuck what anyone else thinks.