Why Asking for Help Feels Impossible (and How to Make It Easier)

We’ve all been there—staring at a problem that’s way too big to tackle on our own, yet too proud (or stubborn) to ask for help. It’s like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions and insisting, “I got this,” while holding a random collection of screws. But why is asking for help so hard? It turns out, the struggle is real, and there are a few reasons why.

Why We Resist Asking for Help

The biggie? Fear of judgment. We worry that if we admit we need help, people will think we’re weak, incapable, or—even worse—dependent. This fear can paralyze us, leaving us to struggle in silence, believing that asking for help will somehow reveal all our flaws.

Another roadblock is perfectionism. Many of us have been taught to believe that we should be able to handle everything on our own. Somewhere along the way, society convinced us that independence is the ultimate sign of success. But here’s a little secret: no one, and I mean no one, has it all figured out. Even the most accomplished people rely on others to get things done.

Lastly, there’s control. When we ask for help, we’re allowing someone else to get involved, and that means things might not be done exactly the way we want. If you’re a bit of a control freak (no judgment!), this can feel terrifying. But here’s the thing—releasing control is often the key to moving forward.

The First Ask is the Hardest

So, what’s the solution? How do we overcome this resistance? Start small. Asking for help doesn’t mean you have to launch into a life-altering request for assistance right off the bat. It can be as simple as asking someone to hold the door or getting an opinion on a small project.

The first ask is always the hardest. But once you push past that initial discomfort, it gets easier. Just like learning to ride a bike or trying your first parallel park, it takes practice. Sure, it feels awkward at first, but with time, asking for help becomes a skill you can sharpen. And once you experience the relief and support that comes with it, you’ll wonder why you didn’t ask sooner.

The Benefits of Asking for Help

Here’s the twist: most people want to help. Seriously, when someone asks you for help, how often do you roll your eyes and think, “Ugh, how dare they?” (Okay, maybe if they ask you to help move furniture on a hot day, you might hesitate.) But in general, helping others feels good. It builds connections, fosters trust, and creates a sense of community.

When you ask for help, you’re not only getting the support you need—you’re offering someone else the chance to show up for you. It’s a win-win, and in the end, you’ll build stronger relationships because of it.

Take the First Step

This week, challenge yourself to ask for help with something small. Whether it’s advice from a friend, assistance with a task at work, or even asking someone to make dinner one night (I mean, why not?), see how it feels. You might just find that the world doesn’t crumble when you admit you need a hand—and you’ll likely feel more connected and supported because of it.

Journal Prompt:
What’s something you’ve been avoiding asking for help with? Write about why it feels difficult and how things could change if you finally asked for support.